So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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