Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Bring me that man meat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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