either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
