Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
