God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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