New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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