Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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