I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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