His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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