All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
