ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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