oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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