I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
