I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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