how can u be prego again
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
