Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
