he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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