On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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