ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
