If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
