My friends, they love my intelligence
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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