So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
