I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
