Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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