So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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