my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
