I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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