I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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