He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
