Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Found the puke drawer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
