I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
