My liver just broke up with me...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
