Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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