I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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