ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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