What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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