i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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