i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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