he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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