In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
