I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
