my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
