You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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