theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
