I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
