doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
