nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
