Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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