And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
