At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
