sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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