i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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